poem for chris

Image credits: I Can Make You Feel Good by Tyler Mitchell.

shapes of his arms

long, neck, look down, shoulder

and swagger. the sheathe of his sword

below.

i look for you

in every long lean supple

Black man. body.

i can never see you again.

and this is a song of my longing

or the misplacement of my heartbreak onto you

(one of the two).

i remember being told of the paternal laws

imagine being trapped in Alabama

the other dude; but why, why

didn’t I say I was into you?

I was so into you. your power was LIVE

that of any God

I had never learned to worship.

I worshipped you! Your staff.

Your high proud head. Your shining shoulders.

Your defiance.

I made you proud, or tried,

feared I couldn’t make you proud enough.

(Now here is where you morph into our baby).

I ended things between us because I could,

and the possibilities: I couldn’t.